Why Being More Assertive Will Help Your Anger Issues

In life, people often seem to get it wrong, by going too far one way or the other.

If you're aggressive, you may get more done and get what you want, but it's obviously at the expense of other people, because it's a selfish attitude to have.

But if you take a more passive approach to life, you'll avoid upsetting people, though in the end, people might view you as spineless, walk all over you, and you will only end up feeling side-lined.

Balance is obviously crucial, and sometimes, just being able to say no in an assertive manner is enough to address that balance.



Aggressive behavior is only thinking about yourself, while passive behavior is only thinking of other people.  That, in a nutshell, is just about it.

Assertive behavior means that people know what you want and need ... and don't get upset about it.  But there's more to it as well, because by acting assertively, you gain the confidence that what you're doing isn't so one-sided, and people's positive response to how you behave fuels that growing confidence.

Passive-aggressiveness is probably the worst of all though, because that kind of attitude presents itself as being passive, but you then act in a subversive manner behind the scenes, doing damage.  Often, no-one sees it coming either.

To help you understand the importance of developing assertive behavior, in this article we're going to look briefly at some of the biggest benefits that can come from using it in your life, and how it can reduce and prevent anger problems, in yourself and in those around you.

As a quick aside, if you'd like to see how well you measure up in the assertiveness stakes, we have a free online assertiveness test that will show you what your main behavior patterns are, and how you can improve them.

Assertive Communication

Assertiveness can help you communicate more effectively. And communicating assertively will benefit all areas of your life, whether it's at work, home or in social settings.

A lot of people shy away from being assertive, mainly because they don't understand the difference between assertive and aggressive behavior.  But when you are trying to address something delicate or uncomfortable, and choose to be assertive, you will be better able to communicate your feelings, options and what you need from others.

The knock-on effect of that is that it will earn you other people's respect.

But how does this affect your anger issues? Well, poor communication often causes errors, and it's those errors that may trigger an angry response.  So if there are fewer of them, there will be fewer triggers!

Also, if you're feeling respected, there's less chance that you'll get angry if you feel you're being misunderstood or undervalued.

Higher Self-Esteem

Assertiveness and self-esteem go hand in hand. You may have heard it said that aggressive people are just covering up for their own flaws.  And if you haven't, well you have now...

There's also a lot of research that proves that people who have an assertive attitude in life are more confident and feel better about themselves.

It's not about putting yourself first, as is the case with aggressive behavior, but it's more about taking your own needs on board.

And people with higher self-esteem are less likely to get angry, because there are fewer occasions when they feel undervalued. Do you also see how good communication and better self-esteem are also linked?

Better Equipped to Fight Negative Feelings and Thoughts

Our thoughts can have a huge impact on everything we say and do in life.

Negative thoughts tend to get negative results, whereas on the other side of the coin, positive thoughts breed positive results.  Obvious, eh?

When you work at becoming a more assertive person, you' re better able to identify and understand negative thinking and overcome it. Being assertive can remind you that you have the ability to overcome obstacles and achieve things when you really put your mind to it.

It's this ability to feel that you can overcome obstacles that helps prevent anger, too.  A major cause of anger is the sense that something is unobtainable or beyond control.  So now, instead of feeling that you can't get something (or somewhere) you feel like you're in a situation that can be improved.

There's no need to get angry...

Being a Better Listener

Although it may not seem to make sense, having an assertive attitude can actually make you a better listener. When you are able to better control how you choose to listen and interpret what people are saying to you, you will have a better grasp on miscommunications when they inevitably occur.

It works on both sides of a relationship too, because if you're more assertive and better at listening, you can create an environment where you and other people feel much more satisfied and happier.

And where you're more satisfied and happy, you're less liable to get angry!

More Ability to Set and Achieve Goals

Assertiveness enables you to successfully set goals and achieve them.

When you're passive, you may keep saying that you'll do this or do that, but never actually put in the effort or put yourself out there to achieve it.

However, having assertiveness means that you'll actually take the initiative and have a better idea of what you want - and how to get it. When other people are involved, it means you'll also be able to communicate and work with them to get the help you need to achieve your goals.

People often make the mistake of letting their passion, their determination, lead them into being too aggressive.  When this happens, they may achieve what they want, but it's often at the expense of relationships.  Because other people don't like it.

As we've already said, the prevention of obtaining goals is a trigger for anger. So having more ability to  set and achieve goals will remove those triggers.

Less Depressed and Anxious

Although stress is always around us, and often can be a good thing, if you have too much of it, it will have a noticeable and negative impact on your life.  But if you're assertive, you'll find that you have far fewer of the conflicts that create stress.

If you are prone to social anxiety and worry constantly about what people think and maybe worry about upsetting them, that can all change when you take a more assertive approach, rather than being passive (or worse, passive-aggressive).

Assertiveness gives you the power to stop worrying about what people think or about upsetting the apple cart.  You'll simply let them know exactly what you need and want from them. The more you do this, the more that fear diminishes. You'll often find that the worries you had about other people's likely reactions never actually transpire.

And if they don't transpire, yet again, there's much less opportunity for anger to raise its ugly head...

Being More Likeable

People wrongly take on a passive attitude, in an effort to avoid going too far the other way and becoming aggressive. But this usually doesn't have the desired effect.

Here's the thing: people don't respond to passive people as positively as they respond to assertive people. This is because relationships and interactions with assertive people are more balanced, satisfying and harmonious. You may avoid upsetting people by taking a passive attitude, but this actually makes it less clear about what you want, which leaves people hanging.  Being more assertive is a big step towards helping to avoid that.  And isn't being likeable what we all want anyway?
BTW, if you're interested, we show you how to be more likeable in our amazing (and maybe surprising) online course!  Just a thought...

And when the other person isn't left hanging, they're unlikely to start getting angry either. So it works both ways - a perfect balance!



As you can see, there are many reasons and great benefits from taking a more positive and assertive attitude to life and developing assertive behavior.  And in this article we've shown that one of the benefits - not recognized often enough - is that it prevents you, and the people around you, from getting angry.
That's got to be worthwhile, hasn't it?