Watching your child leave the nest for college is a bitter-sweet experience for any parent. You stand in the doorway of their freshly emptied bedroom, remnants of childhood scattered about, and feel an ache in your heart. Wasn’t it just yesterday that they were learning to walk? Yet now they're moving away to live on their own. It's a time
you may have dreaded.
It's a transitional time that leaves many parents torn. And if you’re a working mom, it can be an even bigger wrench. All the sacrifices over the years, despite efforts to be there whenever you could, there were always compromises. But we all just keep on keeping on, don’t we? It’s be OK, because things work out...
But now it dawns that opportunities for quality time are largely in the past. Yes, you’ve had them, but now it will be new friends, new influences ... and in a completely different place.
The temptation to smother them in our love is strong, but they also need space to spread their wings ... especially now. We want now, as much as ever, to find that delicate balance between supporting and letting go; and now it’s out of our control.
This article is for all you working moms (and dads) waving goodbye as your kids head off to college. How can we thoughtfully step back while still being there when they need us? The aim is to nurture our changing relationships during this passage into adulthood.
And our careers make this doubly difficult...
So here’s some perspective and advice so you can remain a source of support without feeling like a helicopter parent hovering overhead. This is uncharted territory for most of us, but with some reflection and care, we can handle it with grace. Your child is now an adult (or so they think. ..) and they’re ready to embark on this next chapter. So must you, so let’s take a look at the new world they’re entering.
Understanding College Life
College is a time of growth, independence, and constant challenges for kids. From laundry and meal prep to demanding coursework and unpredictable roommates, they face new responsibilities.
These include:
- Managing a schedule with little structure
- Forming new social circles and relationships
- Exploring new interests and career options
- Gaining financial literacy and budgeting skills
- Facing academic pressures and adversity
So while college nudges them toward adulthood, they still need family support. College is often associated with a heavy workload - assignments, projects, and other writing that takes up an enormous amount of time.
Because of this, your kids frequently feel frustrated and have no time for anything else. You can maybe help them here, with services like
mycustomessay. com that completely solve these problems. You can suggest they use this, or maybe help them with it yourself, so they have more time to mature ... and maybe give you more attention.
Financial Guidance
Covering those college costs has to be top of mind, but try to resist the urge to overstep. How they manage money matters is a highly personal matter. Offer financial help if you can, but too much pressure could harm their studies ... and your relationship. So don't put conditions on your support: it could backfire down the road.
And of course, if they work (at reasonable hours) they'll build responsibility. There'll be campus job opportunities, summer internships ... and managing those first paychecks! Learning to manage their finances is all part of their journey, and if they do it well, they'll graduate without massive debt.
But your role is to help them to find options, not dictate outcomes. Consultation and advice will serve them better than directives!
Emotional Support
Your support
will always be important (whatever your kids may say!) but don’t over-protect because they'll need their own personal space. Although completely abandoning them is a step too far!
So stay connected by asking about their lives, interests, and relationships. And don't judge. Offer advice and support when it's needed ... or maybe requested. Help, but let them build resilience and resourcefulness.
College is the time when the parent-child dynamic shifts from handler to consultant. Realize that your child still needs unconditional love, someone in their corner, and a safety net when they struggle. But the decisions must be theirs. Do it right, and this transition can actually bring you closer.
Communication Strategies
There are a couple of communication strategies you can use here. But think of them more as roles or behavior models you can take on:
1. The "Friend" model. Here, you and your child owe each other nothing. You are friends who can choose to help each other with things if you want, but there'ss no obligation. You don't impose on each other, and communication happens on an “as-needed” basis. This works for most people.
2. The "Mentor" model. Here you take on more of a responsibility, as a kind of teacher about adult life. You gently guide and advise them onto the right path when needed. But it's important to be hands off or you'll stifle them.
With either model, your child still owes you nothing. Remember that any gratitude comes from your actions. So the more you push, the more your child will see you as a threat or an obstacle, regardless of how much you've helped them.
Balancing Independence and Guidance
Balancing your child's independence with your guidance as a parent is tricky.
You don't want to be overbearing. This isn't a 5 year old who needs hyper-parenting.
They may need financial help to live comfortably, but if you do help, it's your decision - and never hold it over them later! The same goes for chores and responsibilities, so don’t pile on additional tasks as a means of “debt repayment”. If you believe your child owes you something, the problem is with you. Stop it!
Always make it your top priority to take a balanced approach. Let them spread their wings, but also be a mentor so they don't get lost as they start adult life. And incidentally, if you have a career, you’ll be able to provide plenty of “real world” experience to enhance the advice you give.
If you manage to do this, even if it's a strain at times, you will help your child grow into a well-adjusted – and grateful – adult.
That can't be a bad thing!
